Want people to open up? Mirror them before you manage them.
Most people think trust is built through time.
Spend enough hours together…
Take enough coffee breaks…
Share enough small talk…
And maybe trust will appear.
Here’s what I’ve learned from coaching hundreds & hundreds of people:
Trust isn’t about time. It’s about safety.
Specifically:
Does my nervous system feel safe enough to open up with you now?
And there’s this little-known NLP technique that helps you create that feeling in under 5 minutes.
Yes, just 5- 10 minutes
It’s called Matching and Leading.
And here’s how it works:
→ First, you mirror a few subtle things:
– Their energy level (calm, excited, hesitant?)
– Their speaking pace (fast, slow?)
– Their body posture (upright, relaxed?)
Very important: You don’t copy them like a mime.
You simply enter their rhythm. This signals to their subconscious: “You’re like me. I can relax.”
→ Then, only after matching — you lead gently.
Slow your speech slightly.
Breathe deeper.
And essentially radiate calmer energy.
If you’ve mirrored correctly, they’ll follow you without even realizing it.
The tension drops. The defenses go down .
Real conversations begin.
In short:
You create safety first. Then you create direction.
Most people skip this.
They jump straight into persuasion.
Straight into problem-solving.
Straight into pitching.
And they wonder why people resist, stall, or ghost.
NLP teaches us:
Connection first. Correction second.
If you want more real-world NLP techniques like this do follow Syed
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